emotions

How to Eliminate Fear to Achieve Your Goals

Leave a Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Do you struggle to overcome your fears? Are there any specific fears that are currently holding you back? What are you unable to do because of these fears? Are they preventing you from achieving your most important life goals? We all of course experience fear. Fear is a natural human response to danger. It serves to protect us from harm. However, most of the fears we experience are quite irrational. These are not life threatening fears, but rather egocentric fears that protect the ego from harm. The fear of rejection, criticism, failure, and success all originate from within our imaginations. And to eliminate fear, this is precisely where we must go.

1) ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEAR

The first step to overcoming fear is to take the time to acknowledge that you are actually feeling afraid. Your ego may of course struggle with this. It doesn’t want to admit its weaknesses and vulnerabilities. However, admitting to your struggles kind of releases you from the burden of holding onto that fear. Your fear subsequently turns into a problem that you can now progressively work through. Acknowledging your fear also paves the way forward. However, in order to move forward you must find reasons to do so. Ask yourself why it’s important to overcome this fear and how that could help improve your life.

2) IMAGINE HAVING NO FEAR

Fear originates from within the imagination. It evolves from the way we imagine our circumstances. In other words, it manifests from the interpretations we make about how something appears to be. Given this, it just makes sense that in order to eliminate fear, we must start involving our imagination. With this in mind, consider for a moment what your life would be like if you no longer had to deal with this fear. What would you be able to do and achieve as a result? How would you live your life? How would things be different than what they are today? What would be possible? And, how does all that make you feel?

3) IDENTIFY TRIGGERS

Now that you have put yourself into a more positive state-of-mind, it’s time to progressively start working through your fear. To begin with, consider for a moment when exactly you experience this fear. When does this fear appear? Under what conditions or circumstances? What thoughts do you have on your mind? What emotions are you experiencing? What is happening around you? What is it that triggers your fear? Or in other words, what needs to happen for you to actually feel afraid in that particular situation? Understanding the evolution and origins of your fear will help you to better comprehend the nature of what you’re dealing with.

4) ASSESS YOUR DEGREE OF CONTROL

When it comes to fear, there’s always the question of control. How much control do we actually have over our fear? Is there some level of control, or are things completely out of our hands? It’s very possible you are afraid because you’re struggling with self-doubt. You’re not quite sure what will happen, and you subsequently fear the worst. This creates a lot of uncertainty, which subsequently scares you. You worry about all the things that you’re unable to control, when instead you should be thinking about where this control actually lies. It of course lies within you. You have full control over how you choose to respond to this situation.

5) ANALYZE POTENTIAL OBSTACLES

Now that you feel more in control of how you respond to fear, it’s time to start thinking more resourcefully about your predicament. There is of course this big fear that’s no longer a fear, but rather a problem that must be dealt with. Every problem of course comes with a set of obstacles that must be overcome. Overcoming these obstacles will however require resources. Resources come in the form of your knowledge, strengths, skills and the support you can muster. With this in mind, first identify the obstacles that might prevent you from moving forward, then list down how you could use your resources to successfully overcome this fear.

6) GET CREATIVE

You should by this stage have a clear action plan in place to help you work through your fear. However, your plan may not be foolproof, and as such there may still be some doubts and uncertainties lingering on the horizon. If this is true for you, then it’s time to get a little creative. Consider for a moment all the options you have for overcoming this fear. What could you do? How would you do these things? Now, switch your persona. Imagine you’re Bugs Bunny, or maybe a scientist, or possibly a secret agent, an entrepreneur, or even Harry Potter. How would you work through your fear as one of these characters? What ideas come to mind?

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

So there you have it. Those are the six steps you need to take to eliminate fear. But do they actually work? Will following these steps help you to eliminate fear? The short answer is, yes they will work, but to a certain extent. The truth is that you might never entirely eliminate fear. To eliminate fear completely, takes a lot of repetition, exposure and conditioning. Moreover, it requires fully detaching yourself emotionally from the outcome.

As long as uncertainty exists, there will always be room for fear. However, a little fear can easily be channeled into excitement. And when we’re excited, it’s far easier to muster up the courage to take proactive action toward our desired objectives.

In the end it all comes down to perspective. If you interpret your experience of fear in a helpful way, it won’t become so overwhelming, and you will subsequently work through it far more quickly and effectively. And of course perspective always begins with how we choose to see things and the stories we tell ourselves about those circumstances. Change those stories, and you can very quickly change your life.

Six Helpful Steps for Eliminating Fear Ebook

Imagine for a moment you could develop new habits and methods of thinking where you naturally and effortlessly adopt these ideas into your life. How would that make you feel? Would you feel more fulfilled, empowered and in control?

Yes, there is such simplicity within this IQ Doodle, but of course there is a reason for that. Making positive change doesn’t need to be a complicated process. It just needs to be a consistent process where we progressively develop new habits-of-mind through repeated exposure and implementation. And that’s what these IQ Doodles are for.

We have prepared for you an IQ Doodle pack that includes several variations of this IQ Doodle that you can use for guidance and inspiration throughout the day. Use it consistently and you will begin making positive changes in the way you live, work and interact with others.

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle and begin optimizing the way you live your life today.

Learn More About this Topic

Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

4 Mental Tricks to Conquer Fear @ Inc.
5 Steps to Overcome Fear and Meet Your Goals @ Tiny Buddha
How to Eliminate the Fear that Holds You Back in Life @ IQ Matrix
How to Overcome the Fear of Failure @ Mind Tools
The Science of Conquering Your Fears and Living a More Courageous Life @ Huffington Post

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How to Relieve Stress

2 Comments / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

When things start getting a little out of control and difficult to manage, do you immediately stress out? You’re probably normally pretty good at managing your stress levels. You’ve handled yourself quite well numerous times before, but the stress at work is starting to get a lot more frequent and intense. You’ve now reached a point where you’re starting to stress about the thought of experiencing stress. Your body feels worn down and there doesn’t seem to be any reprieve on the horizon. You wonder what it might take to relieve stress and gain some sanity back into your life. Well, possibly the following six stress-busting ideas may help.

Listen to a recording of this article:

Recorded for IQ Doodle by John Parrott

1) MAKE HEALTH A TOP PRIORITY

In order to manage your stress levels far more effectively you need to make health your number one priority. A healthy and active body is your first defensive front against the ravages of stress. When you get quality sleep, eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, and balance work with a little rest and recreation — that is how you build strength. When your body is healthy, rested, and feeling energized it can more readily absorb everyday stressors that would normally overwhelm you. Practicing mindfulness meditation alongside a healthy regimen, will also give you the ability to stay calm under pressure.

2) SHOW GRATITUDE

When we stress we worry about all the things that we’re unable to do, to control, or manage. This generates a great deal of uncertainty. With uncertainty on the horizon we panic and lose focus on the things that matter most. In order to relieve stress, we need to refocus ourselves on the important stuff that can help us handle stress more effectively. In other words, stop focusing on everything that you’re worried about, and instead redirect your attention on the things you are grateful for that can help you right now. For instance, find some value in this moment, then acknowledge the personal strengths that could carry you through this situation.

3) RE-WIRE YOUR BRAIN

Stress is all about perspective. We stress out because of how we’ve chosen to interpret the situation. We for instance expect things to be a certain way, and when things turn out rather differently, that is when we feel stressed. As a result, we then exacerbate our stress by talking ourselves into a state of overwhelm. Instead of staying in control of our perceptions we dig ourselves into a bigger hole by making a mountain out of a molehill. In the end, our feelings of stress are based on the interpretations we have made about a situation. To change that experience we must reinterpret or reframe it in a more optimal and helpful way.

4) TAKE CONTROL

To relieve stress you need to gain some semblance of control over your stressful situation. We of course stress in the first place because we feel as though we’ve lost control. A lack of control creates uncertainty which stresses us out. In order to relieve stress consider what you’re able to control in this situation. There will of course be things that you simply won’t be able to control. Just let these things go. There’s no need stressing over stuff that is completely out of your hands. Focus instead of what you can do in this very moment, right now. Take control where you can, then progressively adapt your approach moving forward.

5) GET YOURSELF ORGANIZED

One way to gain control over a stressful situation is by getting yourself more organized. It’s possible that you’re stressing out because you’re having difficulty managing too many tasks, commitments and responsibilities. Maybe you need to take a step back for a moment and critically assess how you’re doing things. Consider whether there is a better way to get all this stuff done. Maybe you need to prioritize your tasks and activities. Possibly you just need to eliminate all the unimportant stuff to make room for what matters most. Or just maybe you need to strip everything you’re doing down to its basics, and then start over again.

6) AVOID TEMPTATIONS

When we’re feeling stressed it’s easy to succumb to life’s nasty temptations. For instance, in order to relieve stress you might drink a few cups of coffee, or pull out that pack of cigarettes. Possibly you get a sugar craving and stuff your mouth silly with tasty sweets. You may even over indulge on fatty foods or reach for that can of beer. These are all of course typical ways we tend to deal with stress. In the short-term these might be effective stress relievers, however those moments of bliss are very short-lived. In fact, succumbing to these temptations will only aggravate your stress levels and make you feel much worse than before.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

It’s probably safe to say that as long as we’re emotionally invested in something, that stress will likely follow. Therefore the best, and maybe only way to actually relieve stress is to avoid getting emotionally involved.

When we’re emotionally detached from the situation we tend to care less about outcomes and desired results. There are no expectations, and without expectations we just kind of go with the flow. And this is in fact how some people live their life.

They live without attachments and therefore without stress. They just go with the flow. No matter what happens, it just doesn’t seem to faze them. They believe that everything will work out for the best in the end. Therefore why stress? Just accept, release control, and let go. Allow things to be. Possibly that’s how life was supposed to be lived. Just maybe stress is nothing more but a human-made condition that has no place in the modern world.

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle and begin optimizing the way you live your life today.

Learn More About this Topic

Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

10 Important Rules You Must Know About Beating Stress @ Entrepreneur
13 Ways to Beat Stress in 15 Minutes of Less @ Health
37 Stress Management Tips from the Experts @ Reader’s Digest
How to Beat Stress: A Complete Relaxing Guide @ The Telegraph
Practical Ideas to Help You Manage Your Stress Levels @ IQ Matrix

How to Relieve Stress Read More »

How to Beat Depression

1 Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Life can be tough at times. We don’t always get what we want, and things don’t necessarily turn out as expected. In fact, at times life kind of feels a little unfair. When things go wrong, they all just seem to go wrong at the same time. Life is just full of problems, and dealing with those problems is extremely overwhelming and difficult. People also don’t cooperate as we expect them to. They have their own opinions and do their own thing. Life is just a real struggle at times, and it’s easy to feel depressed and miserable. However, just maybe life isn’t as you imagine it to be. Just maybe it’s a little different. Possibly the following six steps can help.

1) EXAMINE YOUR THOUGHTS

It’s not easy controlling how we feel. There’s just so much going on in our lives, and we become so invested in certain outcomes, that when things don’t go our way, it can become quite a struggle. Even though it might not seem as though you are in control of how you feel, you actually are. How you feel is always a direct result of how you have chosen to think about yourself, about your life, and about the situation you find yourself in. By changing how you think about these things, you subsequently change how you feel about them. For now, just recognize these thoughts. Get a sense of how you’re thinking about things and observe how that makes you feel.

2) OPTIMIZE YOUR PHYSIOLOGY

Tips for Successfully Beating Depression

How you feel at any given moment is also closely tied to how you move and use your body. For instance, when you’re feeling sad, your shoulders will most likely slump down, your back will be arched, your eyes and head will be tilted to the ground, and your body will be curled up and constricted. It’s almost impossible to feel good about yourself when you use your body in this way. On the other hand if you choose to suddenly stand tall, to breathe deeply, to move with purpose, and to smile with confidence, that is when you will start feeling more self-assured and energized. Try adjusting your physiology right now, and make yourself feel a little better.

3) FIND REASONS TO KEEP GOING

How you feel in the moment also depends on how you talk to yourself. And how you talk to yourself depends entirely on where you decide to focus your attention. If you focus on all the difficulties and struggles in your life, then that will make you feel miserable and depressed. However, if you choose to focus on positive aspects of your life, then that will make you feel much better. Take a moment to stand in front of a mirror. Look back at yourself and smile. Now focus on something positive in your life and use that as a catalyst to give yourself a motivational pep-talk about your resilient nature and desire to work your way through your difficulties.

4) ASK SOLUTION FOCUSED QUESTIONS

You are seeing and interpreting the world a certain way because of the stories you are telling yourself about how you believe things to be. There are however other stories you can tell yourself and interpretations you can make. This is where questions can be of value. The questions you ask yourself effectively direct your focus and attention on key areas of your life that can help you move forward in a better way. Specifically ask questions that challenge your limiting beliefs and view of the world. Ask solution focused questions that help you see your life and circumstances in more optimal and helpful ways.

5) SEEK GUIDANCE AND DIRECTION

Sometimes when we’re caught in the middle of our own emotional struggles, it’s difficult to see the light. It’s difficult to see our life and circumstances in more optimal ways. This is when it can be helpful to reach out to others. Reach out to someone you trust and seek their guidance and support. Tell them about your life and circumstances. Give them a glimpse of how you feel, and then ask them for their perspective. Ask them how they see the situation. Ask them what they would do in your shoes. And ask them for solutions and ideas that can help you move forward in a better way. Life is after all, all about perspective.

6) LIVE WITH PURPOSE

It’s always difficult to move forward when we feel stuck in the present moment. There will always be things that will try and hold us back from making positive change. Whether it’s people, circumstances, or emotional experiences, you will struggle to move forward if you keep looking back. In order to break free you need to switch to looking forward. And the best way to do that is to start living your life with a sense of purpose. To begin with, set some inspiring goals, but be realistic with your expectations. And no matter what goals you set, make happiness your number one priority. When you’re happy, everything just feels better.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

No matter how bad things may seem at this very moment, you can get through it. You have within you all the resources and tools you need to beat depression. And all you have to do is choose. You can either choose to continue living and feeling miserable about yourself, or you can choose a different life that’s built upon hope, faith and optimism.

You can actually choose to be different, to think different, to ask a different set of questions, and to view your life and circumstances in a very different way. You can make that choice, but it’s of course your choice to make. Nobody can make it for you. Just decide.

Do you want to keep things as they are, or do you want to make a positive change? The choice you make could inevitably seal your fate. So choose wisely.

Six Helpful Steps for Beating Depression

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle and begin optimizing the way you live your life today.

Learn More About this Topic

Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

8 Ways to Actively Fight Depression @ Psychology Today
10 Tips to Help Relieve Depression and Heartache @ Tiny Buddha
Finding My Way Out of Depression @ Think Simple Now
How I’m Beating Depression and Taking Back Control of My Life @ Elite Daily
How to Fight Depression and Start Feeling Better About Yourself @ IQ Matrix

How to Beat Depression Read More »

How to Stop Worrying About Stuff

1 Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Do you tend to worry a lot? Just maybe you’re the kind of person who habitually worries about absolutely everything? The moment things get a little uncertain you quickly jump to conclusions and freak yourself out. You immediately think of the very worst possible thing that could happen and obsess how it will impact your life. It’s safe to say that when you worry, nothing else seems to matter. What’s worse is that it ends up affecting every other aspect of your life. This surely isn’t the way to live. There must be something you can do to stop worrying about stuff. Just maybe the following six steps can help.

1) GAIN PROPER PERSPECTIVE

In order to stop worrying you first need to gain proper perspective of the situation. You are worrying about what might happen because of how you’re perceiving things. In other words, your worries are a manifestation of the stories you are telling yourself about how things will inevitably turn out. But how do you know this to be true? How do you know that your imagination isn’t playing tricks on you? Maybe it’s causing you to worry unnecessarily. Just possibly things are unlikely to turn out as you imagine. Consider that for a moment, then reflect on how else you could potentially view this situation.

2) CHALLENGE LIMITING BELIEFS

6 Ways to Help You Stop Worrying So Much

To stop worrying you need to assess how you’re interpreting this situation. You obviously feel a certain way because you believe something will happen. But a belief is not a fact. That you believe something will happen doesn’t make it so. I’m sure your beliefs have let you down in the past. They let you down because beliefs are essentially nothing more but assumptions we make about things. And assumptions are nothing more but stories we tell ourselves about how things will turn out. What if you chose to make a different set of assumptions? What if you chose to tell another story? Would that change what you believe about this situation? It sure could.

3) TURN WORRIES INTO A PROBLEM

It’s excruciatingly difficult to stop worrying when you feel you have no control over the situation. With no sense of control, you feel powerless and helpless to do anything that could influence the outcome. However, maybe you’re only feeling powerless because you’re viewing this situation in an unresourceful way. You may yet still be able to gain control, or at the very least some level of influence over this situation. But in order to do that you need to turn your worries into a problem. Problems are great because they come with handy solutions. When facing a problem, you therefore have a level of control that you can wield to overcome your worries.

4) PREPARE FOR THE WORST

he chances of your worries coming to fruition are probably quite small. Things will rarely turn out as you had imagined, and probably never as bad as you expect they will. But having said that, there is always a chance that the worst-case scenario you imagine, might actually come to fruition. What then? Well, the only rational thing to do is to prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario in advance. This of course might not stop you from worrying, but it may make you feel a little more confident and capable. And just possibly, you could even find some value in the situation, and maybe even turn it into a positive learning experience.

5) RELEASE CONTROL

Having turned your worries into a problem and mentally prepared yourself for the worst-case scenario, you should now have a good sense of the nature of your worries. There will be aspects of your worries that you will obviously have some semblance of control. There will however be other aspects of your worries where you will have little to no control over. Instead of concerning yourself with what you can’t control, make peace with it. These things are out of your hands, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just let it go, and choose instead to focus on the things you can change or influence in some way.

6) SCHEDULE WORRY TIME

Having gone through the previous five steps, you should now feel much better about your predicament. However, as long as uncertainty still exists, there will always be room for some worrying. You will therefore never truly stop worrying — not when those worries involve other people. Worrying a little is of course part of the human experience, as long as your worries don’t get out of hand and affect other aspects of your life. However, the moment they start to interfere with everything else, that’s when you need to reel them in. The best way to do that is to schedule a specific time and place for doing all your worrying.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

When it comes to worrying, you always have a choice. You can either choose to stop worrying and give yourself some needed peace of mind, or you can choose to continue indulging in your worries, and subsequently give yourself a headache.

Worrying of course won’t change anything. It’s actually quite a useless act. We worry and make ourselves feel sick to our stomachs about possible future scenarios, that may or may not eventuate. We obsess about all the things that could potentially go wrong, when the odds of things going right could actually be stacked in our favor.

Isn’t it time to stop worrying? You’re really not doing yourself any favors. Life is here to be lived, not to be worried over. With that in mind, commit yourself to taking charge of your worries and start living your life in more optimal and helpful ways.

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle and begin optimizing the way you live your life today.

Learn More About this Topic

Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

5 Tips to Avoid Becoming a Chronic Worrier @ Psychology Today
7 Things to Stop Worrying About @ Marc and Angel
10 Hacks to Help You Stop Worrying Now @ Lifehack
How to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control @ Personal Excellence
Practical Ideas to Help You Overcome Your Worries @ IQ Matrix

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How to Deal with Difficult Emotions

1 Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Do you struggle with your emotions at times? Difficult emotions such as fear, frustration, overwhelm, disappointment, hurt and anger can certainly present some challenges. They can very quickly escalate and pull us out of a good emotional place and into a very reactive and unresourceful state-of-mind. When we allow these emotions to drive and control our behavior, we tend to process the world very differently. They filter our view of reality, which subsequently prevents us from seeing things in their true form. Things however don’t need to be this way. They can in fact be very different, and it all begins with getting a little perspective.

1) FEAR

The purpose of fear is to keep you safe. It’s designed to preserve life and keep you away from potential harm. Fear is of course quite a valuable emotion when facing a mad grizzly bear, however not so helpful if it’s preventing you from achieving your goals. It’s important to remember though that fear is all in the imagination. We fear things because we imagine them to be a certain way, when in fact the situation is probably very different. With this in mind, challenge how you imagine your predicament. Next, reaffirm your goal and prepare yourself thoroughly. The more familiar something is, the less there is to fear.

2) FRUSTRATION

Strategies for Dealing with Difficult Emotions

The purpose of frustration is to alert you to the fact that something is not working. The thing you are doing is not turning out as you had expected. This therefore creates resistance, and that is exactly what’s triggering your feelings of frustration. What you’re doing is not working because you have obviously missed something. Just maybe you’re doing it all wrong. In such instances, it’s helpful to get a little curious. Start thinking outside the box and begin questioning your methods. There could in fact be a better way to get this job done. Potentially you are just not asking the right questions. Change your approach and see what happens.

3) OVERWHELM

The purpose of overwhelm is to alert you to the fact that you have your priorities all messed up. You can’t possibly do everything all at once, so why even bother trying? Use this as an opportunity to stop what you’re doing, and begin prioritizing what needs to get done. First, figure out what it is that you are able to control. These will be the things that are within your sphere of influence. Prioritize these tasks and activities, then dump, delegate or reschedule anything you deem to be unnecessary. Now break each of these items down into small pieces and begin working through your list one tiny chunk at a time.

4) DISAPPOINTMENT

The purpose of disappointment is to help guide you in a better and more optimal direction. Something just happened that didn’t quite work out as you had expected. Possibly your expectations were unrealistic. In that case you may need to reassess the situation. It might even help to set more realistic and attainable goals. However, the greatest value from a disappointment is always found within the learning experience. What you learn about yourself and about your predicament is far more valuable than anything you can do in the moment. Learn all you can from your experience and use it as an opportunity to move yourself forward in a better way.

5) HURT

How to Deal with Difficult Emotions in Optimal Ways

The purpose of hurt is to alert you to the fact that your needs are not being met in a particular situation. You are for instance feeling hurt because you had certain expectations about how things should’ve been. Things however ended up being very different, and what you expected someone would do, didn’t quite happen. As a result you now feel powerless and emotionally demoralized. Take time to reevaluate your expectations. Possibly you are making a bigger deal out of this than you should be. Next, begin communicating your needs more clearly. Just maybe you’re feeling hurt because of a simple miscommunication.

6) ANGER

The purpose of anger is to alert you to the fact that one or more of your rules or values has been violated. You are angry because you no longer feel in control of the situation, and this creates uncertainty. It’s therefore time to reassess your violated rules. Just maybe they aren’t reasonable or shouldn’t even apply in this instance. It’s also possible that you completely misread the other person’s intentions or the circumstances of the situation. Just maybe things aren’t as you make them out to be. Possibly things are actually very different, but your assumptions are preventing you from seeing the truth in the situation.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

It’s certainly not easy to deal with these difficult emotions. In fact, in the heat of the moment, as each of these emotions arise, it can be extremely hard to control our habitual instincts and impulses. However, by allowing these difficult emotions to control us, we choose to spiral down a deep dark path that’s unlikely to end well for us, or for the people caught in our wrath.

There is however hope. Your emotional reactions are nothing more but habits that you have developed over a lifetime. They are instincts you have conditioned into your psyche that help you deal with difficult life experiences. The good news is that you can recondition these instincts by building new habitual patterns of behavior over time.

Simply carry this IQ Doodle with you and refer to the cards whenever you experience any of these difficult emotions, then follow the enclosed instructions. Eventually you will break your old patterns of behavior and build new habitual patterns in their place. Your difficult emotions will become resourceful experiences that you can use to make the very best of every situation.

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle and begin optimizing the way you live your life today.

Learn More About this Topic

Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

How Mindfulness Builds Emotional Mastery @ Psych Central
How to Better Understanding Your Emotions @ Trans4mind
How to Master Your Emotions and Take Back Control of Your Life @ IQ Matrix
The 3 Ways to Deal with Unhelpful Emotions @ Paid to Exist
The Productive Way to Manage Your Emotions at Work @ Fast Company

How to Deal with Difficult Emotions Read More »

How to Find More Happiness in Life

2 Comments / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Are you happy? I mean, are you truly happy? Do you have the happiness and fulfilment you have always desired? Or are there still missing pieces? I imagine you’re currently working toward achieving some important life goals. Obtaining these goals will no doubt make you very happy. These goals will bring you the happiness and fulfilment you have always wanted. Or will they? Achieving your goals will probably make you feel absolutely wonderful, but unfortunately your happiness won’t last. It won’t last because nothing external will ever truly make you happy. To find true happiness in life we need to look to the little things that matter most.

1) SMILE MORE OFTEN

To find more happiness in life you must commit yourself to living life in a more lighthearted and carefree way. Yes, life is full of unwanted problems and horrible experiences. However, most of the time we make a big deal out of the little things, or over exaggerate issues that won’t even matter a year from now. We jump to conclusions, and we worry and fret about how things could be, instead of making the most of each experience. We just take life and ourselves too seriously and this prevents us from enjoying each moment to its fullest. To avoid falling into this trap, take time to laugh, to smile, and to be more playful and lighthearted.

2) INDULGE IN THE GOOD STUFF

To find more happiness in life we need to start indulging in all the good stuff that helps nourish our body, spirit and our brain. And no, daytime television soup operas unfortunately don’t make the cut. 😉 The good stuff includes eating healthy, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and spending quality time with those you love. To truly find lasting happiness in life, you need to take special care of yourself. Specifically, you need to look after your health and well-being. You could for instance have all the money and material possessions in the world, but you won’t truly be happy if you don’t have good health and abundant energy.

3) CULTIVATE AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

To find more happiness in life takes gratitude and appreciation. Most people spend their entire lives pursuing the things they don’t have. The pursuit of these things can be difficult, but at the same time it can also be quite rewarding and exciting. It could even be said that happiness is found along the journey and not at the destination. Certainly, pursuing things we don’t yet have brings us joy, even if the road gets a little tough at times. However, true and lasting happiness doesn’t come while chasing stuff, it rather comes when we take the time to appreciate the small things we already have that we typically take for granted.

4) DABBLE IN CREATIVE PURSUITS

To find more happiness in life requires doing things you love that indulge your passions and senses. The happiest people in the world are people who live life on their terms. They are the people who spend a vast majority of their time passionately exploring creative pursuits that challenge them in new ways. These people live with a sense of purpose and continuously work toward accomplishing important life goals. However, they don’t pursue these goals for the sake of achieving them, they rather pursue them to grow and develop themselves in new ways. In other words, they seek not to achieve, but rather to become a better version of themselves.

5) SPEND TIME HELPING PEOPLE

How to Find Happiness in Your Everyday Life

To find more happiness in life requires giving of yourself to help improve how other people live their lives. Of course, indulging in the things that make us happy can feel quite wonderful, however these feelings are often very short-lived. True and lasting happiness only comes to those who consistently focus on spreading happiness outside of themselves. You can of course do this through random acts of kindness that help ease people’s burdens and pains. Making a positive difference in the lives of those around you will naturally make you feel better about yourself, thereby enhancing your own level of happiness.

6) SAY YES TO LIFE

To find more happiness in life requires making the most of every moment. It requires choosing to live life to the fullest. But in order to live life in this way we need embrace all that life has to offer. There are after all just so many incredible experiences we could have, and so many wonderful memories to create. However, most people deny themselves the opportunity to truly live their life because they simply don’t prioritize what matters. They say NO to this and to that, and subsequently deny themselves the opportunity for new adventures and learning experiences that could help them live a happier and more fulfilling life.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Whether we care to admit it or not, happiness is our number one priority in life. Yes, we spend time pursuing all these other things that we think we want, when in the end all we really need is to be happy.

You buy that new car because it makes you happy. You pursue that goal because you think it will make you happy when you eventually achieve it. You purchase a gift for someone because it makes you happy to see them happy. You help someone in need because it makes you happy to be helpful. Everything you do is because of your innate desire to find more happiness in life.

But if we do all these things to make ourselves happy, then why do so many people still feel so miserable? The easy answer to that question is because happiness is elusive. The pursuit of happiness will always elude you because you’re constantly looking for the next thing that you think will make you happy. And all the while happiness is sitting right under your nose waiting for you to acknowledge its existence. 🙂

Six ideas for finding more happiness in life

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Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

10 Powerful New Insights from the Science of Happiness @ Huffington Post
15 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Happier @ Inc.
25 Science-Backed Ways to Feel Happier @ Greatist
How to Find More Happiness to Live Your Best Life @ IQ Matrix
The Science of Happiness Turns 10. What Has it Taught? @ Time

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How to Calm Your Nerves and Relieve Anxiety

1 Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Do you struggle controlling your nerves? When facing unfamiliar circumstances, we all tend to get a little nervous. We get this way because we just don’t know how things will turn out. There is uncertainty on the horizon, and this makes us feel a little uneasy. But, feeling nervous can actually be quite advantageous. In fact, it can help us to stay alert and focused. At times, nerves can even turn into excitement if channelled in the right way. But nerves can also at times escalate and become quite overpowering. During such moments it can help to calm your nerves using the following six steps.

1) IDENTIFY WHY YOU FEEL NERVOUS

In order to calm your nerves you need to first get very clear about what exactly has you feeling so nervous. Yes, you’re nervous about this situation, but what specifically about this situation has you feeling so nervous? Are you nervous because you’re afraid of making a mistake? What mistake? Are you nervous because you might get embarrassed? Doing what? Are you nervous because you’re afraid of what people may think? What people? What will they think? Why do you even care? Why else are you feeling nervous? Continue your search until you find the underlying reasons for feeling nervous in this particular situation.

2) QUESTION YOUR FEARS

You are feeling nervous right now because there are several underlying fears messing with your brain. For instance, the fear of making a mistake, of criticism, of rejection, of embarrassment, and other fears, are all preventing you from moving forward. These fears are causing you to seriously doubt yourself. In order to cure self-doubt, you need to start questioning the validity of your fears. Does fearing these things actually make any sense? Possibly your imagination is blowing things out of proportion. Potentially things are not as bad as they seem. Question your fears and look for evidence that disproves them.

3) EXPLORE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES

One of the best ways to calm your nerves comes in the form of curiosity. Getting curious about why you’re feeling nervous will help you start seeing your situation in a more optimal way. You are of course feeling nervous about your predicament because of how you have chosen to interpret your experience. You are in fact right now telling yourself a story about this situation that is making you feel extremely uneasy. This story is of course the thing that is making you feel nervous. Change this story and start interpreting this situation a little differently, and you will begin seeing your predicament in a brand new light.

4) OUTLINE WORST-CASE SCENARIOS

By this stage you should be feeling somewhat better about your predicament. However, no matter what you tell yourself about this situation, some uncertainty obviously still exists. Instead of resisting this uncertainty, let’s choose to embrace it. Imagine for a moment the absolute worst-case scenario that could take place. Take time to see these events unfold in your imagination, then watch yourself learning from this experience. Now ask yourself: So what? So what if that happens? It’s not like it’s the end of the world. You probably won’t even care about this a year from now. So why worry? Why get nervous?

5) PREPARE YOURSELF THOROUGHLY

Even after having made peace with the worst-case scenario, you probably still have some reservations, and therefore still potentially feel somewhat nervous. Things are still uncertain, and you just don’t quite know what will happen next. In order to calm your nerves you need to turn uncertainty into certainty. And the best way to do that is to begin thoroughly preparing yourself for what’s to come. This may of course involve clarifying the goal you want to achieve, identifying the obstacles you will face, gathering any needed resources, and drawing up a plan of action that can help you move forward in a better way.

6) TAKE SMALL STEPS

Having clarified exactly how to proceed in this situation, it’s now time to finally take the plunge. Begin by taking a long deep breath to settle your thoughts. Center yourself and focus on moving forward one small step at a time. Fully focus your attention on the steps you will take, not on your end goal. Don’t even concern yourself with anything or with anyone else, instead just stay present and be mindful of the moment. And if by chance your nerves are still getting the better of you, then turn this experience into a game. Have fun with the process and learn to laugh at yourself when you goof things up. Just make the best of an awkward situation.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Our nerves are a byproduct of our thoughts and imaginings. How we think about things and the stories we tell ourselves, affects how we feel about our life experiences. Change these thoughts and we change our interpretations, and therefore change how we feel about our life situations.

If you truly want to calm your nerves, then stop taking things so seriously. Nobody is perfect. Striving for perfection rarely works out in the end. Learn to relax and let go. Just enjoy the moment and fully absorb yourself within each experience. What’s the best that could possibly happen? 🙂

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Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

5 Tips for Reducing Public Speaking Nerves @ Psychology Today
10 Weird Ways to Beat Interview Nerves @ The Guardian
15 Ways to Settle Your Nerves Before a Big Presentation @ Inc.
How to Control Your Nerves and Calm Your Mind @ IQ Matrix
How to Quit Nervous Habits @ Live Science

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How to Control Your Anger

1 Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Has anything ever frustrated you to the point where you just lost your cool? You were of course initially calm and collected, but then all of a sudden something pushed you over the edge and you just couldn’t control your anger. You now of course have some regrets. In retrospect, you certainly could have handled yourself differently. But in the moment, you just couldn’t help yourself. You just couldn’t resist but react emotionally. You’re of course not an angry person, but it’s sometimes just difficult to control your anger in the spur of the moment. If only you had a six step process to guide you through these kind of situations.

1) RECOGNIZE ANGER

The first step to controlling your anger always begins with self-awareness. You must become aware of your emotional recipe for anger. This essentially means recognizing how you tend to respond to anger. We all of course respond to anger a little differently, however there are some telltale signs you can look out for. These signs include tension in your muscles, grinding of your teeth, flushing of your face, clenching of your fist, and an ever increasing sound of your voice. Recognizing these signals will provide you with an early warning system that alerts you to the fact that you are about to lose control.

2) REMOVE YOURSELF

As you recognize your anger slowly bubbling up to the surface, it’s important that you now take the time to remove yourself from the situation. Yes, actually step away from the situation and take a moment to calm yourself down. All you need is just a few minutes to be alone with your thoughts. You of course need this time to fully process what just happened in a rational and objective way. Just tell yourself that everything will be okay and that you are in full control of your emotions. Now take a few deep breaths and release any pent up energy. Just relax fully and be very mindful of how you are in this very moment.

3) IDENTIFY TRIGGERS

How to Control Anger: 6 Tips to Manage Your Anger

Now that you are in a better emotional place, you can think more rationally about your predicament. Take a moment to think through exactly what happened and why this made you feel agitated. Your objective here is to try to identify what exactly stirred up these angry feelings. Was it something a person said? Was it maybe something they did? Was it potentially something they didn’t do? Maybe what you expected would happen, didn’t, and this riled up your emotions. Have a think about what exactly triggered your anger, then question why you felt agitated and angry in that particular situation.

4) EVALUATE SITUATION RATIONALLY

In order to control you anger, you now need to begin evaluating the situation rationally. In other words, challenge yourself to view your predicament in a more helpful and beneficial way. Possibly things aren’t as bad as you make them out to be. Just maybe you overreacted to these events or misinterpreted the situation. How you are feeling in this very moment is a direct result of the story you are telling yourself about what just happened. Change that story and you change your view of the situation. Maybe this really isn’t worth getting angry about. Just maybe there’s a better way to respond to this situation.

5) SELECT AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE

Having taken a moment to think things through rationally and objectively, it’s now time to choose how you will respond to this situation. Your objective is of course to respond in an optimal way that helps you make the most of your predicament. Although when it comes to controlling your anger, remember that you always have a choice. You can for instance choose to either avoid the situation, to control your anger, to release pent up anger, or to redirect your anger in more optimal and helpful ways. The key is of course to respond in a way that is most helpful for you, for everyone involved, and most beneficial to the situation at hand.

6) LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE

Having responded in an appropriate manner, it’s time now to learn from your experience. Take a moment to assess how you handled the situation and how you handled yourself in this situation. How did you respond? What was the outcome? How did other people respond to you? Did you make the best of the situation? Could you potentially have handled things differently? Would that have made any difference? How else could you have responded and what impact would that have had on the situation? Now take all these lessons and figure out your next actions. How will you respond in the future when facing a similar situation?

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

To control your anger of course takes practice. Often when we get angry it’s because of a habitual patterned response that we have conditioned into our psyche over a lifetime. In order to change this pattern we need to establish a new and more helpful patterned response. In other words, you need to work on developing a new habit. This of course takes time and significant amounts of consistent repetition.

However, if you’re committed to making positive changes in the way you respond to people and circumstances, then this is certainly something that is very doable. And it all of course begins when you fully commit yourself to the decision that you will start taking control of your anger starting today.

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Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

24 Tips to Calm Down and Start Controlling Your Anger @ Reader’s Digest
Catch Anger Before it Catches You @ Tiny Buddha
How Good is Your Anger Management? @ Mind Tools
How to Deal with Anger and Remove it from Your Life @ Personal Excellence
How to Overcome Anger and Mend Your Relationships @ IQ Matrix

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How to Deal with Frustration

3 Comments / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

When things don’t work out as expected, do you get easily frustrated? Do you tend to shout, scream, stomp your feet and pull on your hair? Whenever you’re feeling frustrated, this indicates that you are being held back from something by self-imposed barriers and limitations. In other words, you are the reason why you’re feeling frustrated, and only you have the power to break this pattern. However, even though on the surface frustration feels uncomfortable, below the surface it can be quite beneficial as an instant motivator that stimulates your imagination. Here are six steps on how to deal with frustration.

1) RECOGNIZE THE MOMENT OF FRUSTRATION

Frustration isn’t something that suddenly hits us out of the blue, it is rather something that builds up progressively over time. You might initially feel a little resistance at first. This resistance manifests from the fact that you don’t feel as though you are in full control of the situation. All of a sudden you start feeling a little anxious as you sense your inadequacies and limitations bubbling up to the surface. You have all these expectations about how things should be, but for one reason or another doubts start to creep into your head. Being mindful of these feelings will help you capture the precise moments of frustration.

2) IMMEDIATELY GET CURIOUS

Instead of stomping out of the room, immediately stop yourself and get curious. Get curious about this situation and about what exactly is getting you so worked up. Ask yourself what’s working and what’s not working for you. Moreover, figure out how exactly you are approaching this situation and whether or not this is actually the best approach to take. See your frustration as a problem or puzzle that must be solved. You know for instance that you can get this done — if you didn’t, then you would feel despondent. However, you are instead feeling frustrated. Use it as motivation to move yourself forward.

3) GAIN SOME NEEDED CLARITY

It’s time now to gain some clarity about what it is you want to achieve. In other words, what’s your goal? What are you trying to accomplish? What is the outcome you would like to realize? Your frustrations may very well result from the fact that you don’t quite understand what you’re working toward. You haven’t been clear enough, and subsequently the methods you have chosen to work through this puzzle haven’t gotten you the results you had expected. However, once you have the necessary clarity of mind, this will help you see things more clearly and allow you to move forward in more optimal ways.

4) SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE

Now that you have some clarity about what you want, it’s time to challenge yourself to view your predicament in a more optimal way. In other words, it’s time to shift your perspective of the situation and choose to view your frustrations as an opportunity or challenge to do things better. Your first objective is to identify what exactly has been working for you. There must be something that you have done well. Identify what that is and then also figure out the mistakes you might have made along the way. Now view those mistakes as helpful coincidences and use them as an opportunity for positive change.

5) THINK FLEXIBLY AND CREATIVELY

In order to work through your frustrations in optimal ways, it’s vital that you think flexibly and creatively about your predicament. You’ve obviously struggled and made mistakes along the way. However, these mistakes haven’t been in vain. Making mistakes has helped you learn valuable lessons about what works, and about what doesn’t work in this particular situation. Use these learning experiences as a platform for finding alternative ways for getting things done. Maybe there is a better way to work through this that you hadn’t yet considered? Or just maybe someone else can help you think things through a little differently?

6) WORK WITH PURPOSE

We all get frustrated from time-to-time. However, some people deal with frustration in more optimal ways than others. Those are of course the people who work with purpose. They turn their frustrations into a game and commit themselves to taking proactive and purposeful action until they solve their frustration puzzle. Turning your frustrations into a game will keep you interested and focused. It also stimulates your imagination and encourages a lighthearted playful approach to problem solving. Moreover, it challenges you to try new things — to take chances and risks in the pursuit of your goals.

HOW TO DEAL WITH FRUSTRATION SUMMARY

Handling frustration is never an easy experience, however it doesn’t necessarily need to be an overwhelming experience. Making a few tweaks in the way you handle yourself during these frustrating moments can make all the difference in the end.

You now effectively have the blueprint in place on how to deal with frustration. Remember though that frustration is a choice. You always have a choice of whether to deal with frustration or whether to allow frustration to get the better of you. If you choose to deal with frustration, then you effectively hold the power in your hands to influence the outcome of your experience. However, if on the other hand, you allow frustration to get the better of you, then you will struggle to achieve anything of significance in your life.

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Imagine for a moment you could develop new habits and methods of thinking where you naturally and effortlessly adopt these ideas on how to deal with frustration into your life. How would that make you feel? Would you feel more fulfilled, empowered and in control?

We have prepared for you an IQ Doodle pack on how to deal with frustration that includes several variations of this IQ Doodle that you can use for guidance and inspiration throughout the day. Use it consistently and you will begin making positive changes in the way you live, work and interact with others.

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle to help you deal with frustration and begin optimizing the way you live your life.

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Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

4 Reasons Why We Get Frustrated and How to Cope @ Huffington Post
33 Ways to Overcome Your Frustrations @ Dragos Roua
How to Free Yourself from the Grips of Frustration @ Steve Pavlina
How to Overcome Frustration and Relieve Stress @ IQ Matrix
The Frustration Barrier: The Key Obstacle to Being Good at Anything @ Scott H. Young

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What to do When Feeling Overwhelmed with Life

Leave a Comment / emotions / By Adam Sicinski

Are you feeling overwhelmed with life? Does it seem as though you just have too much to do and not quite enough time on your hands? Or maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed because you just have too many choices to make. Overwhelm is very much a state of emotional paralysis where you just feel as though you’re unable to handle or cope with the circumstances at hand. This entire experience fogs up your brain and prevents you from seeing things clearly. As a result you become crippled with indecision. However, things don’t necessarily need to be this way. Here are six steps for when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life.

1) RECOGNIZE OVERWHELM

The first step for when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life is to actually recognize and acknowledge the moment when you start feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelm is however something that kind of creeps up on us very slowly, then suddenly hits us like a firecracker. It often begins in a very subtle way by making us feel a little rushed. This pushes us out of our comfort zone and we progressively start losing control. What’s more is that we now no longer have the clarity we need to get stuff done, and as a result we become very negative and start complaining and blaming everyone and everything, but ourselves.

2) REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION

Having recognized that you’re feeling overwhelmed with life, it’s now time to take one long deep breath… then get-on-out-of-there and completely remove yourself from the situation. Yes, I actually mean walk away from the situation in the opposite direction. You cannot continue what you’re doing feeling this way. Remove yourself, and do it fast! The sooner the better. At least now you have the space to think things through more clearly. And your first thoughts must be directed at what exactly triggered your feelings of overwhelm. Identifying this trigger is the first step toward taking back control.

3) DETACH YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY

6 Things to Remember When You are Feeling Overwhelmed

Feeling overwhelmed with life is very much like a problem. You have this experience that you just can’t seem to handle, however you are only feeling this way because of how you’re viewing this situation. You will never find a solution to your problem if you’re emotionally invested within that problem. You must therefore separate your emotions from this experience and then challenge yourself to think things through a little differently. Specifically, you must decide to either shift your perspective of the situation, to change the situation, to remove yourself from the situation, or to figure out how to best cope with it.

4) TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY

Let’s say that you decided to challenge yourself to try and work through this situation. Well in that case, it’s now time to take a personal inventory. A personal inventory is an acknowledgement of your personal strengths, knowledge, skills, tools and the support you have on hand to help you cope with this situation far more effectively. With all these things at your disposal you no longer need to succumb to feeling overwhelmed with life or with any particular situation. You just need to figure out how to make use of these resources to help you work through your predicament in an optimal way.

5) THINK THINGS THROUGH RATIONALLY

What to Do When Your Life Is Overwhelming You

Having taken a personal inventory, you should now understand where your strengths lie, and therefore you probably feel more capable of working through your feelings of overwhelm in this particular situation. Consider for a moment how you could utilize your time, skills, tools and the resources you have on hand to try and make things a little less overwhelming. Ask yourself how you could potentially work through your task more effectively and rationally. Possibly the solution lies in tackling your task in small pieces. Or just maybe there is a better way to do things that you hadn’t considered before.

6) TAKE CHARGE OF THE SITUATION

Six Steps to Take When Feeling Overwhelmed with Life

No matter what solutions you come up with to your dilemma, it’s now time to take full responsibility and start moving forward. In other words, commit yourself to taking charge of the situation. Yes, there will be things and aspects that you still won’t be able to control. However, don’t allow these things to distract you from everything else that you can do right now. With this in mind, focus on what can be controlled and work through these tasks one small step at a time. Even if you can’t do it all, you can at the very least begin somewhere. Start small and slowly build momentum one mini-task at a time.

FEELING OVERWHELMED WITH LIFE SUMMARY

When we’re feeling overwhelmed with life we struggle to make optimal choices and decisions that can help us move forward in a better way. However, feeling overwhelmed is a conscious choice we make each and every day.

You and I choose how to respond to every situation we face. We can either respond in a helpful way that moves us forward, or in an unhelpful way that leaves us feeling stuck and emotionally paralyzed.

You are much more resourceful than you realize. Tap into that resourcefulness and challenge yourself to never let overwhelm get the better of you in any situation ever again.

Imagine for a moment you could develop new habits and methods of thinking where you naturally and effortlessly adopt these ideas whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed with life. How would that make you feel? Would you feel more fulfilled, empowered and in control?

We have prepared for you an IQ Doodle pack that includes several variations of this IQ Doodle that you can use for guidance and inspiration throughout the day whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed with life. Use it consistently and you will begin making positive changes in the way you live, work and interact with others.

Visit the IQ Doodle Store to learn more about how to use this IQ Doodle for when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life, and begin optimizing the way you live your life today.

Learn More About this Topic

Want to know more about this topic? Here are some helpful links to articles that you may find of value:

7 Things to do if You’re Feeling Overwhelmed @ Forbes
8 Tips to Avoid Burnout and Balance Your Life @ Psychology Today
12 Questions to Ask Yourself if You’re Feeling Overwhelmed @ Oprah
How to Beat Overwhelm and Get Yourself Back on Track @ IQ Matrix
Overwhelmed? 10 Ways to Feel Less Busy @ The Guardian

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